Maybe You?
It's true. We could be undercutting our own intelligence in what I call the rating game. We all do it. We are aware of it and it's usually a rating out of "10." You could wake up in the morning feeling great. If asked, you might feel really good and give yourself a rating of 8 or 9. Maybe 10. You haven't had a drink since you became pregnant.
But, at work, you are still aware that one or two people will be laid off soon in your office. You still feel good about your position at the front line, but someone at the office doesn't like and you believe is also in good favor with the boss. Still you do your job perfectly.
But then you go bubbling into the office and find a sticky note on your computer: "There is money missing from your vault. It doesn't match your accounting." You recognize the boss's writing.
So you start to feel panicky because now you thought you did your accounting properly. The self-rating begins to fall. You walk into your bosses office and she doesn't look happy. How do you feel now? Do you still feel like a 9? Then you begin to think others saw your sticky note. But you're not a thief. Still others think your are...you are case building against yourself. But instead of just feeling anxious, you also feel temporarily guilty and defensive and blaming yourself. Now you are also self-downing. Your rating has gone down to a 5. Does your mind now float to the bar? It was so easy then.
Your boss gets off the phone. She says to you, "You are responsible for all money and expenditures and come out with a perfect balance. But since you have been here for 2 years and I have never had a complaint (which you know is a lie because Warren is the bosses chummy pal and Warren constantly tries to make you look bad), she continues, find the 200 dollars."
What is your rating? 4? 6? 7 maybe? Maybe just a couple of drinks after work?
You go back to your desk. Besides your daily work you have to review everything and find the $200 dollars. But something happens. You open up the vault, count the money and find the mistake in the accounting right away.
Within a half hour you walk into your boss' office and tell her the good news. You said it was a simple mistake on the books. Then the boss says, "I know, and I also know what Warrens' doing. I'm not impressed. I think he is very insecure (Warren "sounds" like 5 rating) and that he likes to brush my shoes, so to speak.He comes into my office with gossip on his face. I'm not impressed. Just walk back to your desk, sit, have a big sigh and smile. Customers are coming"
You go back to your desk. Indeed, you have a real natural, genuine smile. .
How do you feel? How do you rate yourself now? I'm thinking, 10. Chances are, you are willing to give up the pretend drinks you imagined minutes ago.
Self-rating changes your thinking. The words, "I'm bad," or "No good," Bring ratings down. Over a period you become your own rating of yourself. But if you had a no-self-esteem philosophy, you could way more easily just conclude that everyone has ups and downs and that you had yours today. You can really still feel good again. That's special. Good for you.
Just remember to never get caught in the rating game. It is what it is and you are who you are. You can't really change you completely but you can defintely stop self-downing and self-rating.
(Author here: That was a small example. Actually it happened to my friend.)
I think the point of all this is that if you are going through life rating yourself and judging how much esteem you have you could be taking yourself down. The office people would know it. That will affect how people treat you. You are a pushover. And if it's about what people think of you (usually is), then you could get yourself into real trouble. You must take yourself back. Stay who you are, sober.
Then there is the opposite. There are some who are a perfect 10 all the time. They can do no wrong and they think they are the cats' meow. 24 They-7. And often times they are very good. They are “jungle fighters.” I don't know about you but I think these perfect 10's are more like perfect 4's. It's much like the Trooper Song, A 3 Dressed Up As a 9. Phony. They do not get any information from us.
So you see how rating youself is a dangerous game and it was already my pleasure to enlighten you with this article in the previous blog, Alcoholics Recalibration Continues, entitled, Warning: Self-Esteem May Subvert Your Sobriety. (May 27) It is a good little read by a pro doc.
Let the fetus do its job of becoming your baby.
No Booze. No Drugs. Being Real.
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